So i heard from the scheduler and the soonest that I could get into an ENT was June 27th.
It was a long 2¾ week wait. I tried desperately to cling to the wispy cloak of denial. Especially from the 9th until 10th of June. But off and on I tried to get it to come back and cover me completely. I'm thankful for some of my emaginary friends who were there for me.
I took time to focus and love on my dear children and to answer their questions as best I could considering I had questions of my own. I tried to deal with their dad's shock, disbelief, and outrage. I tried to figure out what plans to get through, what plans to change, and what plans to cancel outright.
I kept my standing recheck appointment with the rehab doctor. he was stunned by the lab results as he was expecting a single digit number not the double digits I had and no where near as high as they had been trending. I still remember the shocked look on his face and I hear his words so crystal clear. I though you were joking when you said you were feeling awful and severely hypothyroid. I expected you to be one to three numbers off. NOT the several you labs show. I can't believe it. I didn't think it was possible for someone to live with numbers that high. I'm sorry that the cancer might be back. Oh how this unnerved me. He was the 2nd doctor to use that dreaded c word.
Finally the day came for me to see the ENT. I lucked out and got an ENT that I had seen several years ago and who I had been impressed enough with that I went to him for my son's surgery. I was nervous because I wasn't sure it would be the same doctor after all this time. He too gave me the gold standard lecture about taking medications properly and then he surprised me. After adding that I needed to work at reducing the amount of meds I was taking and see about seriously getting off of most of them cause too many meds cause issues, he added one. that too will be the subject of discussion at another time.
He did say that he wanted a CAT scan and he wanted it with Contrast and then depending on what it showed there could be a biopsy or surgical removal of a mass. I'd be lying if I didn't say that this scared me badly. It's gone in 9 weeks from being a figment of my imagination to a mass that needs removal. How is this possible? He also said in his gut he felt it needed to come out.
so the next day I go in for a CAT scan with contrast.... Only it doesn't happen that way because the staff refuse they know me too darn well and how I react to stuff like contrast. But they do the CAT scan any ways just without the contrast part. I was nervous about it cause the whole point of the contrast was to make things crystal clear that the ultrasound couldn't. To operate or not totally hinged on the results.
I was floored when I got the call later that day that I would have to come in on Monday for a pre-op visit. i thought for sure because of the lack of contrast that it would be inconclusive. On Monday, I received more information. I got the type of surgery I would be having "removal of a substernal mass". I learned why the ultrasound was inconclusive and a rough size and a preliminary diagnose of metastatic thyroid cancer based on lab results, ultrasound, CAT scan and past history of thyroid cancer and quirks. I was told to pick a day preferrably on the sooner side than the later in the calendar. So I told him already did that last week.
See before the CAT scan was scheduled the nurse told me his schedule for surgery books up fast and that since this was considered urgent I had 3 choices of dates. Wednesday the 3rd, in two weeks or in 3-4 weeks and that I should pick the one that would most work with my schedule but the sooner the better would be best. Ironically the date I wanted fell on a Sunday. I mean if your going to have de ja vu with a twist wouldn't it only be fitting to pick the same day as the original surgery? so I chose the 3rd of July without any hesitation even though many people called me nuts cause of the 4th of July etc. I had another reason for picking this day but that's for at totally different post cause it's on a different subject.
And that is why things have been quiet here dear readers. I have been taking the time to love up on my children, get my act in order and make peace where I could as far as arrangements for the things should the worse happen and the Vultures should get dinner. Since we home school I have been taking the time to jump start the work load and try to get some major hours accomplished in case I wasn't up to doing much with the kiddos. I'm still unsure what the actual and or final diagnoses will be and therefore what if any treatment will be needed/required/recommended. so that's another reason I'm trying to get full days of school accomplished now when I would typically be doing half days only. I want to store up a cushion of hours so that if things aren't so hot in a bit we can take the time off.
I do plan to be better at informing everyone that cares what's up. I wanted to tell my Dad before I generally announced it. I figured I owed him that much. So I am very grateful we got to do lunch prior to my surgery and that I got to tell him in person. Especially those 3 little words I care Dad.
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