Savory Beans

1 lb sausage

3 T onion

2 (1 lb) cans whole kernel corn

6 cups baked beans

Fry sausage with onion until crisp and brown. Add corn and beans. Heat through.

Pineapple Upside Down Cake

1 small can pineapple slices 
½ cup pecans
½ cup brown sugar
1 square margarine
2 yellow cake mixes or 3 golden pound cakes

Line 14 inch Dutch oven with aluminum foil, place on heat. Add margarine and melt; add brown sugar pineapple and pecans -this is the glaze.

While butter is melting, prepare cake mix according to package.

To bake: be careful not to burn bottom (use only about 8 coals on bottom). Use about 15 coals on top. Check every 15 minutes until golden brown and tests done. (stick a bamboo skewer into middle - if when removed it's dry and clean - cake is done.)

Remove from heat, lift out cake by the aluminum foil. Put a plate or board over the top and turn over quickly so that the glaze is not on top. Great with whipped cream or ice cream.

Surgery and Results....

Surgery was 18 days ago give or take. I'm recovering fairly nicely, if  I do say so myself from it. No infection and the incision is mostly intact. No infection equals nothing to concerning. It's a bit tender at times and sweating is the absolute one thing that makes me feel totally helpless enough to make me want to cry. Sweat in a wound of any kind is no fun. It's absolutely horrid when it's an incision on your body.

One of the big pluses about the surgery is that I can now be flat and not feel like I am being choked or someone is trying to strangle me. This is one sensation that really, really freaks me out because of all the times in my childhood that someone tried to either strangle me or smother me as some sort of practical joke they claimed although I'm sure they really wanted to do me in. I last felt that icky sensation when I was transferred to the operating table and positioned flat for the surgery. I immediately knew the surgery had worked when I was laid flat in order to adjust the head of the bed properly for me and it was gone. No more icky feeling of pressure.

Another plus is I can move my head in certain positions and not feel the pressure in my neck that would make me stop and not move my head any further for fear of hanging/choking myself. This means that I can turn my head to see better when I'm doing certain tasks that require it. It's a nice change to not have to move my entire body to see something that most people would simply be able to turn their head in one direction or another to see.

Another plus is I can swallow food that has some mass to it without pain or choking. It's wonderful to be able to eat and chew a normal size bite of say meat and swallow it without discomfort. Especially after a few years of cutting it into beginner solid size bits. I can also swallow some of the bigger pills that I have to take without an issue. I still have something going on with my swallowing but it's not like it was and I can better describe its location now cause I can tell the difference as to where the issue is at.

I learned two new things about myself. One is a new pain medicine I can take that works and without a reaction. The other is Ice. I'd of never believed that these were possible for me because I've long been in the 1% or less category of problems.

The pain medicine is not going to require much explanation. I was shocked that the doctor found something I could take with all my allergies. I admit that I was skeptical that it would work well. I was concerned about reacting to it. After all this is how I learned about several of my pain med allergies like Darvon, Percocet, Aleve, Advil, etc. I went in for surgery or something else that was painful and would require pain meds. I was given something for pain and after a few doses (2 to 3) but before release from hospital a reaction would happen. Hives, difficulty breathing to not breathing, rashes, etc.

So you can imagine my concern when I wasn't given the one medication that I knew works for post op pain in me and can only be given in a hospital setting.  I'll admit to thinking they were loons to not have me admitted for 24 hours of post op pain relief.

Normally post-op pain management for me after a trip to the OR means a cath is placed and a pump attached is attached to a morphine drip. Then for however long I'm allowed I get the blissful experience of a broken give a damn with the only concern being exploding in a shower of piss.Yep, I'm one of those who takes morphine for longer than a few doses 2 to 6 and then I can't pee at all. That's why it's highly reserved to only be used to initially break a pain cycle in the form of a needle jab or where I am going to be cathed. Which makes it superb for post surgery stuff. It also lets me feel the pain fully, no masking like some pain meds can do, but I don't care. This makes it possible for me to move, walk and sleep. Oh glorious sleep... even with the wonderful relief that it brings this drug scares me. The last thing I want to do is wind up like my mother and sadly my dad. So I was a mess between looking forward to some relief/sleep and horrified over having to manage the pain with no relief and mad cause we know that morphine worked why not stay with the tried and true effective...

I lucked out that I didn't react to the new pain med. It just made really, really sleepy. I learned I didn't have to use as much of it because Ice rules. I thought the nurse was a nutter when she asked the are you hurting question. I really wanted to pop up with the no why would you think that... after all I just had surgery a few minutes ago and I was a bit miffed that there was no pump button to push. She said she'd be back with some ice and a pill. This left me feeling stupid cause I didn't want morphine pills and I couldn't see the point of the ice. Oh am I ever glad of the ice. It helped to have something against my incision especially when having to move. It hurt to have it against the incision cause ice is jagged and hard and being jiggled didn't make it feel to good when something moved me. Either bumping the bed, a bump in the road, dog jumping on bed at home to say hello, sudden slamming of brakes... I loved the ice so much that I chose it over the pain pills. I think I was able to get off the pain pills so quickly was because of the ice. Oh don't get me wrong I loved not hurting and getting good restful sleep. What motivated me to get off is I didn't like the thick wrapped in cotton feeling and I really didn't want to risk having a reaction. I felt like a clock was ticking and the next dose could/would be the last dose. So I relied heavily on ice.

Another thing I learned from this surgery is that super glue rocks. I loved that I didn't have to go back for stitch removal. I loved that I didn't have to be restitched up and I didn't have the everything is falling out feeling because the staples let go too soon. (yes, I had this happen about 6 hours post surgery. The staff and dr were not amused. I really wasn't amused cause there's nothing like getting sewn shut while waiting for the Bendadryl to kick in to deal with the hives to cause one to lose all sense of humor).  I didn't have a huge dressing weighing down on my throat and neck. Something that really bothered me after the first surgery. Other hand concern for rough seams of shirts or other things rubbing it the wrong way. and keeping it dry. yes a bandage would have helped with this to a degree and I'm still confused as to why I didn't have a dressing but no dressing changes are always good. Another nice thing is the look of the scar. I don't care how my scars look for the most part. I'm not my mother after all. I had surgery in the same spot in the past and was left with fatter scars from it. I also had a lot of puckering, issue with clothing catching, rubbing  wrong, and didn't want to have to go in for scar reduction which I wouldn't have thought about if my auntie hadn't kept mentioning it. That was soooo not a good experience. I'm happy to say I don't have any of this and I strongly suspect that it's cause of the super glue. This is the only surgery I've had with super glue so i'm not a 100% positive. But if it is, sign me up for it in the future.

The results were a little bit of a shock. Now I had already had the Endo tell me that he suspected cancer because of the rapid change from his not feeling a mass to his feeling a mass. I had an estimated size of the mass because of the cat scan and ultrasound that were done. So you'd think I would have been prepared for the results right? In away I was and in a way I wasn't. the mass was far larger than the 2 cm I was told it was suspected to be. Considering how great the contrast was between lying down flat pre surgery and post surgery I wasn't really surprised.  It was  cancerous. Again not really surprised. What I wasn't expecting was that it would be  thyroid cancer.

Papillary thyroid cancer to be exact. I'm still not sure I have wrapped my head around this diagnoses. i don't have a stage at this time. I don't have a treatment plan. I do have a ton of questions that are darting around in my head like minnows in shadows at the lake. How did this happen? Why didn't the radioactive iodine 131 work? Was it there before the original surgery or did it show up afterwards? Now what? There are others but they aren't ready to be voiced because they aren't fully formed just yet.

I am in the 1% yet again. I don't know why I am stuck being in the 1% on things. I don't even know what the 1% means really. I know that sounds odd but other than thyroid cancer being 100% cured in 99% of the population that gets it; 1% aren't. So yes, I get that I was/am in the 1% that didn't get cured. I just don't know where I fall into that 1%. I've been given statistic that are confusing. 85% of the 1% do just fine and are cured and 15% aren't and need further treatment. But that just leaves me more confused... If you can't tell math isn't my strong suit and I got lost with how can you get 85% & 15% out of 1%.  Am I in the 85% or 15%? no one so far can tell me.

I'm scared like i have never been scared before. I who have overcome many terrifying and scary things is afraid. I'm confused and a bit angry at being afraid. I'm also extremely tired of being told I should not be confused and scared. From a dear relative who meant well but is really clueless. You spent 4 hours trapped inside an elevator that could have fallen several floors to your death and you didn't bat an eye and studied instead, how can you be scared? From a very dear old ancient friend. You were the only one to walk away from the ___ accident(s) and you can get into vehicles and travel those road(s) afterwards. How can you be afraid of this? I can't explain it. I just am.

I think it has to do with my innocence being shattered. OK you can stop laughing now. Really. I know it's funny to think of me and innocence together but I'm trying to explain something that I don't know how to explain and your laughing is distracting. During all that time when I was in tough situations, I had two things going for me. Death would be preferred and doctors are perfect except for when they aren't. another thing that was going for me back then was that I didn't have the knowledge I do now and I didn't have a reason to go forward. I know now just how big a blunder doctors can make. I have kiddos who need me and are going to need me a lot longer (rest of their lives) than most kiddos need their mother/parent. and that is why I am more afraid.

I don't know about you but for a doctor to say that they are sorry for making a mistake and thinking I was certifiable crazy as a loon when I really had a problem scares me a lot. to have a doctor tell me that they aren't sure what the steps will be from here on scares me a lot. to have a doctor say that they weren't expecting this and hadn't prepared for this scenario scares me a lot. Especially in doctors who have repeatedly seen me falling into the 1% of situations. I know they can't be experts in everything.

I now have to wait until Sept apt to learn the rest of the information and what my options if any are.

Corn Yum-Yum

15 slices bacon

2 onions, diced

4 (15 oz) cans corn

¾ lb American Cheese, diced

8 eggs

12 slices toast

salt and pepper to taste

Cut bacon into small pieces. Fry in kettle and pour off most of the fat, keeping enough to fry the onion. When onions are browned, add corn and heat through. Add cheese and stir until blended. Add eggs one at a time beating each into the mix. Cook until slightly thickened (about 10 min) Season and serve on toast.

Peach Cobbler Supreme

1 box yellow cake mix
2 large cans sliced peaches- drained (reserve juice for water replacement)
1 can cherry pie filling
1 cup chopped nuts
1 cup water (omit for peach juice)
½ cup margarine or butter
3 eggs

Mix cake according to box instructions. Add peaches, cherry pie filling and nuts. Dump into Dutch oven and bake.

Things Got Quiet Part 3

So i heard from the scheduler and the soonest that I could get into an ENT was June 27th.

It was a long 2¾ week wait. I tried desperately to cling to the wispy cloak of denial. Especially from the 9th until 10th of June. But off and on I tried to get it to come back and cover me completely. I'm thankful for some of my emaginary friends who were there for me.

I took time to focus and love on my dear children and to answer their questions as best I could considering I had questions of my own. I tried to deal with their dad's shock, disbelief, and outrage. I tried to figure out what plans to get through, what plans to change, and what plans to cancel outright.

I kept my standing recheck appointment with the rehab doctor. he was stunned by the lab results as he was expecting a single digit number not the double digits I had and no where near as high as they had been trending. I still remember the shocked look on his face and I hear his words so crystal clear. I though you were joking when you said you were feeling awful and severely hypothyroid. I expected you to be one to three numbers off. NOT the several you labs show. I can't believe it. I didn't think it was possible for someone to live with numbers that high. I'm sorry that the cancer might be back. Oh how this unnerved me. He was the 2nd doctor to use that dreaded c word. 

Finally the day came for me to see the ENT. I lucked out and got an ENT that I had seen several years ago and who I had been impressed enough with that I went to him for my son's surgery. I was nervous because I wasn't sure it would be the same doctor after all this time. He too gave me the gold standard lecture about taking medications properly and then he surprised me. After adding that I needed to work at reducing the amount of meds I was taking and see about seriously getting off of most of them cause too many meds cause issues, he added one. that too will be the subject of discussion at another time.

He did say that he wanted a CAT scan and he wanted it with Contrast and then depending on what it showed there could be a biopsy or surgical removal of a mass. I'd be lying if I didn't say that this scared me badly. It's gone in 9 weeks from being a figment of my imagination to a mass that needs removal. How is this possible? He also said in his gut he felt it needed to come out. 

so the next day I go in for a CAT scan with contrast.... Only it doesn't happen that way because the staff refuse they know me too darn well and how I react to stuff like contrast. But they do the CAT scan any ways just without the contrast part. I was nervous about it cause the whole point of the contrast was to make things crystal clear that the ultrasound couldn't. To operate or not totally hinged on the results.

I was floored when I got the call later that day that I would have to come in on Monday for a pre-op visit. i thought for sure because of the lack of contrast that it would be inconclusive.  On Monday, I received more information. I got the type of surgery I would be having "removal of a substernal mass". I learned why the ultrasound was inconclusive and a rough size and a preliminary diagnose of metastatic thyroid cancer based on lab results, ultrasound, CAT scan and past history of thyroid cancer and quirks. I was told to pick a day preferrably on the sooner side than the later in the calendar. So I told him already did that last week.

See before the CAT scan was scheduled the nurse told me his schedule for surgery books up fast and that since this was considered urgent I had 3 choices of dates. Wednesday the 3rd, in two weeks or in 3-4 weeks and that I should pick the one that would most work with my schedule but the sooner the better would be best. Ironically the date I wanted fell on a Sunday. I mean if your going to have de ja vu with a twist wouldn't it only be fitting to pick the same day as the original surgery? so I chose the 3rd of July without any hesitation even though many people called me nuts cause of the 4th of July etc. I had another reason for picking this day but that's for at totally different post cause it's on a different subject.

And that is why things have been quiet here dear readers. I have been taking the time to love up on my children, get my act in order and make peace where I could as far as arrangements for the things should the worse happen and the Vultures should get dinner. Since we home school I have been taking the time to jump start the work load and try to get some major hours accomplished in case I wasn't up to doing much with the kiddos. I'm still unsure what the actual and or final diagnoses will be and therefore what if any treatment will be needed/required/recommended. so that's another reason I'm trying to get full days of school accomplished now when I would typically be doing half days only. I want to store up a cushion of hours so that if things aren't so hot in a bit we can take the time off.

I do plan to be better at informing everyone that cares what's up. I wanted to tell my Dad before I generally announced it. I figured I owed him that much. So I am very grateful we got to do lunch prior to my surgery and that I got to tell him in person. Especially those 3 little words I care Dad.

Jungle Stew

2 lbs hamburger

2 onions

2 cups uncooked macaroni

3 (15 oz) cans kidney beans

2 (16 oz) can tomatoes

salt and pepper

Boil macaroni until tender. Drain. Brown onions and meat. Combine all ingredients and simmer about 20 minutes.

Another camping one pot type recipe.