Thoughts of a Mom

Thoughts of a Mom

By Maureen K. Higgins

Many of you I have never even met face to face, but I've searched you out every day.
I've looked for you on the Internet, on playgrounds and in grocery stores.
I've become an expert at identifying you.
You are well worn.
You are stronger than you ever wanted to be.
Your words ring experience.
Experience you culled with your very heart and soul.
You are compassionate beyond the expectations of this world.
You are my "sisters."

Yes, you and I, my friend, are sisters in a sorority, a very elite sorority.
We are special.
Just like any other sorority, we were chosen to be members.
Some of us were invited to join immediately.
Some not for months or even years.
Some of us even tried to refuse membership, but to no avail.

We were initiated in neurologist's offices and NICU units, in obstetrician's offices,
In emergency rooms, in hospital rooms and during ultrasounds.
We were initiated with somber telephone calls, consultations, evaluations, blood tests, X-rays, MRI films, and heart surgeries.

All of us have one thing in common.

One day things were fine.
We were pregnant, or we had just given birth, or we were nursing our newborn.
We were playing with our toddler.
Yes, one minute everything was fine.
Then, whether it happened in an instant, as it often does,
Or over the course of a few weeks or months, our entire lives changed.
Something wasn't quite right.
Then we found ourselves mothers of children with special needs.

We are united, we sisters,
regardless of the diversity of our children's special needs.
Some of our children undergo chemotherapy.
Some need respirators and ventilators.
Some are unable to talk, some are unable to walk.
Some live in a different world.


We do not discriminate against those mothers whose children's needs are not
As "special" as our child's.
We have mutual respect and empathy for all the women who walk in our shoes.

We are knowledgeable.
We have educated ourselves with whatever materials we could find.
We know "the" specialists in the field.
We know "the" neurologists, "the" hospitals, "the" wonder drugs, "the" treatments.
We know "the" tests that need to be done,
We know "the" degenerative and progressive diseases
And we hold our breath while our children are tested for them.
Without formal education, we could become board certified in
neurology, endocrinology, and psychiatry.

We have taken on our insurance companies to get what our children need to survive,
and to flourish.
We have prevailed upon the State to include augmentative
communication devices in special education classes
And mainstream schools for our children with cerebral palsy.
We have labored to prove to insurance companies the medical necessity of gait trainers
And other adaptive equipment for our children with spinal cord defects.
We have sued municipalities to have our children properly classified
So they could receive education and evaluation commensurate with their diagnosis.

We have learned to deal with the rest of the world,
Even if that means walking away from it.

We have tolerated scorn in supermarkets during "tantrums"
And gritted our teeth while discipline was advocated by the person
behind us on line.

We have tolerated inane suggestions and home remedies from well-
meaning strangers.

We have tolerated mothers of children without special needs,
Complaining about chicken pox and ear infections.

We have learned that many of our closest friends can't understand
what it's like
To be in our sorority,
And don't even want to try.

We have our own personal copies of Emily Perl Kingsley's "A Trip To Holland"
and Erma Bombeck's "The Special Mother."
We keep them by our bedside and read and reread them during our toughest hours.

We have coped with holidays.
We have found ways to get our physically handicapped children to the
neighbors' front doors on Halloween,
And we have found ways to help our deaf children form the words, "trick or treat."
We have accepted that our children with sensory dysfunction
Will never wear velvet or lace on Christmas.
We have painted a canvas of lights and a blazing Yule log with our
words for our blind children.
We have bought white chocolate bunnies for Easter.
And all the while, we have tried to create a festive atmosphere for the rest of our family.

We've gotten up every morning since our journey began wondering how
we'd make it through another day,
And gone to bed every evening not sure how we did it.

We've mourned the fact that we never got to relax and sip red wine in Italy.
We've mourned the fact that our trip to Holland has required much more
Baggage than we ever imagined when we first visited the travel agent.
And we've mourned because we left for the airport
Without most of the things we needed for the trip.

But we, sisters, we keep the faith always.
We never stop believing.
Our love for our special children and our belief in all that they
will achieve in life knows no bounds.
We dream of them scoring touchdowns and extra points and home runs.
We visualize them running sprints and marathons.
We dream of them planting vegetable seeds, riding horses and chopping down trees.
We hear their angelic voices singing Christmas carols.
We see their palettes smeared with watercolors,
And their fingers flying over ivory keys in a concert hall.
We are amazed at the grace of their pirouettes.
We never, ever stop believing in all they will accomplish
As they pass through this world.

But in the meantime, my sisters, the most important thing we do, is
hold tight to their little hands, as together,
We special mothers and our special children,
Reach for the stars.